World without Strangers!

In my previous entry, I wrote that someone wanted to add me in his or her "Love Happens" network.

A thought came to my mind. Why someone would wants to put me in his or her list of friends when both of us are total strangers? I did not put my picture and particulars in my profile.

That is when I realise that I am truly in a different generation. =) I am OLDbie!

People nowadays are so comfortable in using such online social network to meet people from all over the world and even to find boyfriends and girlfriends. It is a WOLRD WITHOUT BOUNDARIES AND STRANGERS!

Well, this OLDbie still has some advice for the YOUNG ONES out there.

We should celebrate the wonders of internet and the power given to all of us to touch base with the world at the touch of a finger on our computer.

Yet we should still exercise caution for with great power comes great responsibility. If we are not responsible, we would be hurt by this power. We need to be wise in handling online "friends". Do not judge a book by its cover but instead read through it and digest its content. For we cannot never know the true nature of someone by just their looks, messages or photos.

You can go read what one of my friends had written in her blog regarding "online" encounters :
http://kermitkhoo.blogspot.com/2006/10/days-are-evil-2.html

Love Happens!

Was busy this week. Did not have time to do a good reflection =(

But during the week, I received an interesting email.

Someone emailed an invitation to join "Love Happens!" It is a social network website where you can meet and date people. It is like Friendster.

Hopefully through it, you can find a boyfriend or girlfriend. =)

Just for curosity sake (hmm do not think I am desparate), I signed up for it. After that I forgot about it.

Guess what? A few days later, I received a invitation for someone (whom I do not know)) who wants to add me to his or her network of friends!

In my heart, I was delighted that a total stranger would like to know me better. =) It was a good feeling. So I click on the link so that I could go the the website and add my new forund FREIND

But gues what!!! I forgot my password! Could not log in =(

There goes my new found friend! Haha

The Key To be Free!

This is the conclusion article for my 2 previous entries on RenJie’s story (Part 1, Part 2, Locking Me Up).

In my previous blog “Locking Me Up” I wrote that some of us are trapped in the prisons of our hearts because we find it difficult to forgive the people that had hurts or disappointed us. As a result, we may find ourselves holding a grudge against them and we have no freedom at all.

The key to unlock the doors of this prison of UNFORGIVNESS is simply FORGIVENESS!

For me personally, when I feel that someone has let me down or huts me, I try to forgive him or her by
a) Asking myself why did this person do such a thing?
I put myself in the shoes of this person and try to see from his point of view. Though the person behaviour or action may be wrong, there may be circumstances that force him to react like that. That helps me understand his situation better and let go of the burden in my heart towards him.

b) Reminding myself that no one is perfect.
By putting myself in the shoes of the person, I also realize that I may do even worse thing than him. At the same time, I also remind myself that I have done wrongs to others in the past. The people that I have hurt and disappointed have forgiven me for my mistakes. Hence, if they can forgive me, shouldn’t I do the same to others?

I end my entry today by sharing a great story of forgiveness that I had seen on a documentary. The father of a man was shot dead by a thief when he was a young boy. His dad was robbed of his life for only a few dollars! In the end, the thief was caught and sentenced to life imprisonment. Life was not easy for the man without his dad around. He missed his dad tremendously.

What could the man have done? He could cursed God for taking his dad away. He could have hated the thief for killing his loved one. Yet the man did a great act of forgiveness. One day, he went to visit the thief in prison and release forgiveness to him. At the same time, he even petitioned for the early release of the thief. In the end, the thief was released from prison!

Guess what? The man in his act of forgiveness not only set the thief free from his physical prison but also from the prison of his heart as he was guilt-ridden of killing an innocent man. At the same time, the man had set himself free from the emotional pain of losing a dad.

Be Free by forgiving!

Where am I heading?

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I had not been to blog recently because I was busy with work. In fact, it seemed that I had been quite busy for the past few weeks.

Yesterday, I was at a gathering when my mentor asked us this question,” Do you know where you are heading?" He mentioned that we can be so busy and we are just doing and doing without considering where we are heading.

It is like running or driving very fast. You are only focusing on following the road and maneuvering its turn so much so that you do not have time to think of where you are going. Before you know it, you reach the destination and realize that it is not where you want to be. But by then, it may be possible to backtrack or make a U-turn!

In our fast paced society, it is inevitable that we are all busy. But we cannot accept that and just run the rat race because everyone is running it. Well, even if you win the rat race, you still a rat.

So what is the best way to run this race? My mentor advised us to LOOK FAR. We need to look far ahead and ask ourselves what are the meaningful and purpose dreams we hope to see becoming a reality in the future. With this end in mind, we can set short terms and intermediate mile-stones so that we know that even in the midst of doing the routine and mundane things, we are still going towards the right direction and in the process of achieving our dreams.

Even as I reflected upon this question of where I am heading, I realized that I do have to be mindful and slow down periodically to take bearings of where I am heading. Therefore, I am taking some time off this week to plan what I want do for the last 3 months of the year in order to finish this year off still focused on the dreams I have set at the beginning of the year..

Talk Back Good =) Talk Bad Bad =(

In my blog entry Locking Me Up, I wrote that we can find ourselves trapped and locked up in the "prisons" of our hearts when we have unresolved issues with people (E.g. Anger / Disappointment / Bitterness ).

Someone added a comment after reading my entry.

Anonymous said...
i guess the feelings of disappointment/anger/resentment are even stronger especially when they are towards ppl you hold dear to your heart.. and it may take a long and slow process to unlock our hearts from that prison.

Hehe, it is good to know that someone do read your blog and you are not writing for yourself to see. Thanks Anonymous! That is why i always enjoy adding comments to blog entries of my freinds. They have shared their thoughts and I will to share mine too. =)

So do feel free to TALK BACK to me by adding comment to my entries. Thanks! But of cos, do not TALK BAD. I do not mind constructive criticism but do avoid destructive ones! Build me up and not tear me down =)

Well, here my my reply:

Yeah. There is a fine line between love and hate. The person whom u love the most is also the person that can hurt you the most. You are disappointed that your trust and love are misplaced. =( But I guess the way to learn to forgive someone is to 1st realise that all of us had and will make mistakes and need forgiveness. We can forgive someone becos we 1st receive forgiveness from other people.

Maths made me cry!

Was talking to one of my students over MSN just now. She said something that shocked me....

Me : How is your exam? Confident?

Student : Sld be ok.. except Maths

Me : Oh why??

Student : It was tough. Some of us cried after the paper.

I was shocked to hear Sec 2 students crying over the Maths final year examinations. I have heard of students crying over their PSLE, O levels and A levels. To a certain extent, I can understand why they cried over these major exams.

But to cry for a Maths Sec 2 exams, this just blew my mind off. To me, final examinations are important but we take it once every year. And by the time we are in secondary school, we should be veterans in taking exams. Therefore, we should be pro in handling exams. We should not be crying over exams.

On 2nd thought, we cry in sorrow at times when we feel lost over something or someone. This thing or person must hold special and important significance to us. The thought or feeling of losing the thing or the person makes us feel hopeless and powerless. Also, we may cry because the efforts we made have not paid off or are not appreciated.

For the students to cry over their Maths paper, it may be because they may have worked hard for it and were upset that that their hard word was not paying off. Or they may think that this Math exams is quite important and were upset that they are not doing to do well.

As a X-Maths teacher, I am quite happy to see the students taking such serious attitude towards their Maths exam. Shows that they are keen in their study.

As a mentor of life, I hope they can also learn from this set-back and grow in character. In life, we will surely meet obstacles and failures. After the tears and feeling low, we need to examine where we go wrong and make efforts to overcome them. i.e We need to learn from our mistakes so that we can build upon it to achieve success.

I do hope that the students will learn from this exam and be growing not just in their knowledge of Maths but also in their attitude towards life!

Locking Me Up!

My previous 2 entries (Part 1 & Part 2) was on RenJie - a prison inmate who had not went home for 12 long years =(

I was saddened when I read about RenJie's tore relationship with his family. Because of his broken promise to his parents to turn over a new leaf, his Dad quarreled with him. In his anger, RenJie stormed out of the house and decided never to return. In his own words,

心里狠狠想，你们不要我，我就堕落给你们看

In the end, because of unresolved anger and disappointment and anger, RenJie and his parents were separated for the last 12 years.

A thought came to my mind even as I ponder on his story :
RenJie is serving out his sentence in a physical prison because of his mistakes in life. Similarly, we may also be trap in “prison” in our hearts because of unresolved issues (e.g. anger, bitterness, disappointment) with people in our lives.

As a result, just as the walls of a real prison separate the inmates from the outside world and restrict their freedom, this emotional prison separates us from the people we have issues with. We also find ourselves having no freedom whenever we are around the persons.

Personally, I myself had been “imprisoned” before when I felt let down by people and my expectations were not met.

• Emotionally, I could be angry or disappointed with them.
• In my mind, I will be thinking in frustration,” How could he or she act or think like that?”
• A wall starts to be built up between them and me.
• When the persons are around, I will feel uncomfortable as seeing them will ignite the negative emotions.
• Worse still, every small thing they do or say will somehow make me feel uncomfortable and at times I will find unnecessary faults in their actions or words. I could also be harsh with them, either in thoughts or in words.
• After a while, I find myself avoiding them because I either could not stand the sight of them or I do not want the “ugly” self in me to surface.
  

Before I know it, I find myself serving my sentence in my prison of the heart! =(

The question we should be asking ourselves is this (the same question all inmates like to ask) : How can we break free from free from this heart prison?

Well, in my next entry, I will share with you the keys to open the door to this prison so that we can be set free!

Part 2 : For 12 years, I did not go home.

A continuation of the story of RenJie (Part 1 was my previous entry).

A family lost. Another found.
For the last 12 years, RenJie lost contact with his family. Since his most recent imprisonment, none of his family members had ever visited him for the past 4 years,

Yet during these times, he lost a family and found another. The prison wardens and counsellors became his family and cared and loved him. The care and concern shown by the prison wardens and counsellors encouraged RenJie to move on from his past, leave it behind and work towards his future.

“你相信我能够改变.”
In June this year, a song writing competition was organized by the Prison Department. RenJie took part and wrote a song about his life. His song won the first prize! At a special concert, Renjie was given a chance to perform before the rest of the participants and their family members.

坐在铁窗后凝视, 只加深伤悲。

但心里真的好累，错过无数次机会。爱我的人心已碎。。。。
。。。。你相信我能够改变，相信这次不会食言，

不会只是再用话语来回应，因为你相信．

The words of the song were an expression of RenJie's gratefulness to the trust the wardens and counsellors had shown him. At the same time, he was using it to seek the forgiveness from his parents. Sadly, the whole hall was filled with friends and relatives of the inmates except his....

For 12 years, I did not go home.

Had not been blogging for a while because of was busy at work. =( But I intend to revive my blog again.

Recently, I read a very sad story in the newspaper. In the article, there was an interview of a prison inmate which touched me greatly. RenJie is 30 years old now and is currently serving his sentence for drug abuse. Here is part one of his story :

When he was young……
RenJie was caught for house-breaking and was sent to Boys' Home for 3 years. While in Boys’ Home, he promised his parents that he would turn over a new leaf.

“Since you do not want me, I will forsake you all!”
However, RenJie got in contact with his old friends when he came out and got back to his old ways. The parents were disappointed. One day, he got into a quarrel with his Dad and was chased out of his house. He angrily took some money and clothes and left. His mum did not stop him from leaving. In his mind, he was thinking,” Since you do not want me, I will forsake you all!”

For the past 12 years, he had not ever step into his home. Since then, had had either been seeking shelter at friends’ houses or in out and of prison.

“Even the worst of my friends had a home to turn to”
Whenever RenJie thinks about his home-less state, he would felt a pain in the heart.

The pain came especially more during festive seasons. “During Chinese New Year, even the worst of my friends had a home to go back for reunion dinner. I had no home to go back to and sat alone in coffeeshop.”

In 2002, he was caught by police and bought back to his home by the police. He got a shock…. A new family was staying at his place. His parents had sold the house and moved out.

Since then, he had been in prison and for the last 4 years, none of his family members had ever visited him.

I was touched when I read the part that RenJie commented that even the worst of his friends had a home to return to while he was left alone during CNY. He must have regretted the rash words he spoken to his parents when he was young and emotional.

It caused me reflect on 2 things :
a) Be slow to anger and speak while quick to listen
I need to be careful with my words and actions so that I will not say or do something I regret. Actually I realise that I can be very strong in my words when I strongly believe in some things. Therefore, I can come forth as rude and demanding at times. May I learn to season my words with grace and humility.

b) Never wait too long to say Sorry
I realize that the best time to say sorry is NOW. If you wait and wait, the negative feelings (eg bitterness, anger, rage) may cripple you and eat you up in your heart. The relationship with the other person may also dive to a point of no return.

I will write part 2 of RenJie's story on my next entry.